I went skiing!! Today. I went skiing! Oh man. I was the most horrible of horribles to start. I was crying I was so frustrated and embarrassed. But by the end of the day I was all "Weeeeeeeeee, faster!" Oh, dude. Universe, why in the world did you try to stand between me and skiing for so long. Why? You interfered with something that was meant to be.
Don't want to make this long so here is my personal thought for today. I love that I have a body to take me around everyplace I tell it to go. I love the way the Earth feels pushing up on me underneath my feet. I love knowing for sure that I'm here, in this Earth place, right now, and alive.
Mood: joyful, accomplished
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Creme brulee and other sweet, soft, delicious things
I just realized something today.
(Side note... isn't that the best way to start a blog? Isn't it just the exact purpose of having one? That someone will (at least you tell yourself) want to, be eager to, and in fact, be dying to know what whimsical, pondery thought you had today.)
But yes.
I realized of all love stories, I like queer love stories the best (queer being two guys, or two girls, or basically any arrangement involving anything that's not one biological male and one biological female). Want to know the reason why I like them best? You do, you do?
The thing is, with a queer love story, especially if one or both people are confronting some new aspect of themselves that they've been afraid of 'til now.... it's so scary and exciting and beautifully fragile. That moment, that linger, that on-the-borderline flirting phrase... That first, halting, kiss... it's all so scary to that person. And the only reason they're doing it--it's not because someone told them to, or because it's expected. It's because they're following their heart. Scary as it might be, no matter that it's far outside the beaten path, they've reached a point where they believe in themselves and their future and their potential, and just... well, love... that they decided to *listen* for once. And I find that sort of honesty and truth just stop-and-soak-it-up beautiful.
The end.
Mood: Shhhh, you'll break it.
(Side note... isn't that the best way to start a blog? Isn't it just the exact purpose of having one? That someone will (at least you tell yourself) want to, be eager to, and in fact, be dying to know what whimsical, pondery thought you had today.)
But yes.
I realized of all love stories, I like queer love stories the best (queer being two guys, or two girls, or basically any arrangement involving anything that's not one biological male and one biological female). Want to know the reason why I like them best? You do, you do?
The thing is, with a queer love story, especially if one or both people are confronting some new aspect of themselves that they've been afraid of 'til now.... it's so scary and exciting and beautifully fragile. That moment, that linger, that on-the-borderline flirting phrase... That first, halting, kiss... it's all so scary to that person. And the only reason they're doing it--it's not because someone told them to, or because it's expected. It's because they're following their heart. Scary as it might be, no matter that it's far outside the beaten path, they've reached a point where they believe in themselves and their future and their potential, and just... well, love... that they decided to *listen* for once. And I find that sort of honesty and truth just stop-and-soak-it-up beautiful.
The end.
Mood: Shhhh, you'll break it.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Us, on the syllabus of ANTHRO 101
Got a migraine today. Blech. Wasn't too bad, though (knock on wood it doesn't come back tomorrow). Went sledding this morning and it was super fun. I don't get to do that much anymore.
I need to bet to bed--it's 1:44 am. But here's a little thinky story for you.
So this morning, I took the train up to Rogers Park and was walking around. Against the blue sky I saw an abandoned water tower. There was no top on it--just the big metal spider legs with a ladder crawling up one side. The water tank itself was gone. I didn't take a picture--probably should have, but it was sort of like this, but taller and from farther away, and obviously with no tank:
The image was striking, and it piqued my imagination. (I love when that happens.) It got me to thinking about the artifacts, like this watertower, that a civilization leaves behind. I mean, our modern, Western civilization would leave behind a whole junkyard full of crap if our society ever fell into ruin.
What if--thousands of years from now, hundreds of thousands of years fom now--what if our current civilization were to fail and eventually get buried and forgotten in the sands of time, and then much later, it was unearthed by someone else? What would that someone think if they saw the remains of our society? Would they know what everything was, what it was for? What it meant to us and why we made it? How would they ever guess? If they saw a laptop computer, might they just as easily assume it was a plate, or a seat, or a cooking press?
The water tower, in particular, intrigues me. How would another civilization see that structure? You know, maybe they would think, since they couldn't fathom another purpose, that it was religiously motivated. A big tall altar to make sacrifices to the gods on. That's what we think, after all, when we see similar, unexplainable structures in the ancient world. They'd be wrong though.
So, then, since we're on the subject, I've got a related question. Who's to say we don't have it wrong about everyone else? What if the Aztec pyramids were not religious at all, but utilitarian? Like water towers? Or grain storage, or salt-drying houses? If we're wrong--and we may not be (I haven't researched--it's possible archaeologists have discovered religious writings on the sides of them or some such... but I'm not going to take the time to look them up)--well anyway, but if we are wrong, it's a little too easy, and elitist, almost, to have attributed them as religious. "Look at this backwards, quaint civilization," we say--"How silly they were with the big tall temples to the sky where they thought the gods lived." Well, maybe they were just water towers, or something else entirely.
What is the quote? Any technology, if sufficiently advanced, will appear to the uninitiated observer as indistinguishable from magic? How about: Any ancient artifact, taken without context, will be assumed by the discoverer to be for a religious purpose, if the discovering culture can't--with their current schema--conceive of anything else it could be used for.
Or not. But something to ponder.
Mood: Whimsical, history-of-the-world-type thinky, pondery
I need to bet to bed--it's 1:44 am. But here's a little thinky story for you.
So this morning, I took the train up to Rogers Park and was walking around. Against the blue sky I saw an abandoned water tower. There was no top on it--just the big metal spider legs with a ladder crawling up one side. The water tank itself was gone. I didn't take a picture--probably should have, but it was sort of like this, but taller and from farther away, and obviously with no tank:
The image was striking, and it piqued my imagination. (I love when that happens.) It got me to thinking about the artifacts, like this watertower, that a civilization leaves behind. I mean, our modern, Western civilization would leave behind a whole junkyard full of crap if our society ever fell into ruin.
What if--thousands of years from now, hundreds of thousands of years fom now--what if our current civilization were to fail and eventually get buried and forgotten in the sands of time, and then much later, it was unearthed by someone else? What would that someone think if they saw the remains of our society? Would they know what everything was, what it was for? What it meant to us and why we made it? How would they ever guess? If they saw a laptop computer, might they just as easily assume it was a plate, or a seat, or a cooking press?
The water tower, in particular, intrigues me. How would another civilization see that structure? You know, maybe they would think, since they couldn't fathom another purpose, that it was religiously motivated. A big tall altar to make sacrifices to the gods on. That's what we think, after all, when we see similar, unexplainable structures in the ancient world. They'd be wrong though.
So, then, since we're on the subject, I've got a related question. Who's to say we don't have it wrong about everyone else? What if the Aztec pyramids were not religious at all, but utilitarian? Like water towers? Or grain storage, or salt-drying houses? If we're wrong--and we may not be (I haven't researched--it's possible archaeologists have discovered religious writings on the sides of them or some such... but I'm not going to take the time to look them up)--well anyway, but if we are wrong, it's a little too easy, and elitist, almost, to have attributed them as religious. "Look at this backwards, quaint civilization," we say--"How silly they were with the big tall temples to the sky where they thought the gods lived." Well, maybe they were just water towers, or something else entirely.
What is the quote? Any technology, if sufficiently advanced, will appear to the uninitiated observer as indistinguishable from magic? How about: Any ancient artifact, taken without context, will be assumed by the discoverer to be for a religious purpose, if the discovering culture can't--with their current schema--conceive of anything else it could be used for.
Or not. But something to ponder.
Mood: Whimsical, history-of-the-world-type thinky, pondery
Friday, January 9, 2009
Oh Schm-goodness, It's 3:05 am
What to say, what to say? I went out tonight... that was fun. (Also met a Pakistani cab driver.. never met anyone from Pakistan before. We had to get out of the cab before I could ask him interesting questions, unfortunately. But he seemed nice. Young. Had a ponytail and he was rockin' it. Like if you've ever seen the movie of Selena, the guy who played her husband. Chris, I think? That guy.)
Can I direct you to a post I made on AVEN tonight? No? Let me quote it for you here then.
SO let's leave that there for now, because there is nothing that can be done for it, and move on to another topic, namely, how much I love my salsa class and the people in it (except for the one guy who can't dance worth @#*% and still counts out loud TO ME as if I'm the one who needs coaching) and everyone else who takes at the dance school. After my class ended but before I had to leave for dinner I spent 20 minutes chatting in the lobby with 3 supercool people about like, our life goals, career, and general quirky stories. It. Was. Awesome.
Also tonight I had an Irish Car Bomb for the first time. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, right? I guess I am stronger. :)
Sigh. I am happy again today. Cheers. Salud (Health). L'Chaim (To life).
Can I direct you to a post I made on AVEN tonight? No? Let me quote it for you here then.
Of all the people to be attracted to... The once-every-5-years person who's completely inappropriate
Okay, I guess this is a rant targeted to gray As (which is where I'm thinking of myself lately)....The problem I'm having is that I have now (as of about a month ago) been attracted sexually to a total of 3 people in my life. (I'm 29, by the way.) Which is good, and sort of exciting (?) but also kind of bad. Because now I'm suddenly of the mind where, suddenly between person #2 and person #3 I've upgraded myself to this new category, that I can no longer say that I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone. I am pretty sure I know what sexual attraction feels like, I am capable of feeling it, and I should wait for it--- and furthermore, now that I know this is possible I am thinking that any relationship I have will need to be motivated by (as it is for most people) that type of attraction. So, being that this is my new perspective, (1) that obviously limits the number of relationships open to me since it only happens that I feel a sexual attraction about every... 4-6 years, and (2), that complicates things in that I only tend to be attracted to people I have known in a nonsexual context over a long period of time--like, a year or more.... which means... unfortunately... anyone I meet in a setup or at a bar or even as a friend of a friend where we have a connection and suggest meeting up for a drink.... anytime there is a sexual connotation or expectation, the possibility of attraction is completely out of the question for me.
Guess who I end up being attracted to? Those people in my life who I have known for a long period of time in a nonsexual context. Those people who I may enjoy and have a genuine communion with, an appreciation and affection for and where we have a relationship that is based on mutual admiration, where the fact that there is NO possibility of sex getting in the way has allowed us to be real with each other. You, know, people like XXX, or (maybe someday I could see it happening) XXX. That is to say, people who it would cross some sort of line to date. Guh. What to do?
ALSO, complicating this is the fact that I tend to be attracted to people with a lust for life, who are very open and conversational and enthusiastic about the world around them, and those people on the whole tend to be very sexual in nature, which make us a complete mismatch.
SO let's leave that there for now, because there is nothing that can be done for it, and move on to another topic, namely, how much I love my salsa class and the people in it (except for the one guy who can't dance worth @#*% and still counts out loud TO ME as if I'm the one who needs coaching) and everyone else who takes at the dance school. After my class ended but before I had to leave for dinner I spent 20 minutes chatting in the lobby with 3 supercool people about like, our life goals, career, and general quirky stories. It. Was. Awesome.
Also tonight I had an Irish Car Bomb for the first time. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, right? I guess I am stronger. :)
Sigh. I am happy again today. Cheers. Salud (Health). L'Chaim (To life).
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Silver and Gold (and Purple and Blue and Shiny and Fluffy)
I got some new students in Spanish today. I think they liked it and will be coming back. Yay. I always take it so personally if they decide not to continue.
Speaking of classes, I'm starting another round of salsa this Thursday. I'm looking forward to it because it's been so long. Still waiting for me to get super duper good. Don't know when that'll happen. (Although, I think super duper good is a moving target. By the standards of when I first learned I probably would already have said, Ooh, now I'm super duper good. But now I'm like It's blah. More spins! ...Now dip, damnit! What's all this standing around for?)
I think I've decided I want to have at least one irrelevant and one personal or introspective post each day. So here's the deep thought.
I love my friends. I love that I love my friends. You know? I love that there are people in my life who I actually like who I can choose to talk with and visit and hang out with as often as I want. I was thinking about this the other day while I was at the cabin with my mom and sister (and I even commented this to them). Now, the cabin is more than 2 hours outside the city, pretty isolated. No TV, and (gasp!) NO internet. Which is rough. (Most of us normally wouldn't even know the pain of internet withdrawal because normally we don't have to go without internet for more than a day if we want to.) Anyways, on about the 2nd a half day of sitting, eating, reading, sleeping, eating again, and sitting some more, I'm bored out of my mind, going crazy for lack of entertainment. On several occasions, out of the blue, I'd sniffle, and whimper, "I miss the internet." Mu.
And (and here's my point)..... and that got me thinking. You know, back in the day, back back in the day, take say, Elizabethan England, Jane Austen and all that (and most definitely in the years before that).... before there was internet, or phones, or even houses near to each other... before there were airplanes or cars or dependable roads.... well, if you were bored, if you were just sick to death of reading the same 3 books and quilting the same old quilt and looking at and being around the same (possibly unbearable) people you lived with... well, at that point the only thing you could do was get up and physically go visit somebody. And even then, probably a lot of those people lived far away so first you'd have to arrange the visit by like mailing a letter that would take a month to get there and a month for it to come back. In the end, I imagine, because of all this, you'd get to visit someone or have visitors come to you about...what... (considering weather) maybe 7 times a year. So let's say for the sake of rounding that between these visitors, your family, your nearest neighbor, the doctor, and the shopkeeper, you know a total of about 50 people. And, what... maybe out of all of those you're lucky if even one of them you like at all? One of them that you can consider a friend? Think if that one person, maybe they live far away and so you only get to see them for about a week once a year. For you that's the only time you get to laugh and cry and be comforted by someone you actually connect with and enjoy. One week a year! How depressing is that? Ug. And here we are today, so spoiled, never lacking for entertainment, and never lacking for friends, real friends. Friends that we like, not just that we have to hang out with because we don't know anyone else. And if we don't like the friends we got, we can go out and make new ones! Just like that! That's just amazing is what that is. And I feel very lucky.
Speaking of classes, I'm starting another round of salsa this Thursday. I'm looking forward to it because it's been so long. Still waiting for me to get super duper good. Don't know when that'll happen. (Although, I think super duper good is a moving target. By the standards of when I first learned I probably would already have said, Ooh, now I'm super duper good. But now I'm like It's blah. More spins! ...Now dip, damnit! What's all this standing around for?)
I think I've decided I want to have at least one irrelevant and one personal or introspective post each day. So here's the deep thought.
I love my friends. I love that I love my friends. You know? I love that there are people in my life who I actually like who I can choose to talk with and visit and hang out with as often as I want. I was thinking about this the other day while I was at the cabin with my mom and sister (and I even commented this to them). Now, the cabin is more than 2 hours outside the city, pretty isolated. No TV, and (gasp!) NO internet. Which is rough. (Most of us normally wouldn't even know the pain of internet withdrawal because normally we don't have to go without internet for more than a day if we want to.) Anyways, on about the 2nd a half day of sitting, eating, reading, sleeping, eating again, and sitting some more, I'm bored out of my mind, going crazy for lack of entertainment. On several occasions, out of the blue, I'd sniffle, and whimper, "I miss the internet." Mu.
And (and here's my point)..... and that got me thinking. You know, back in the day, back back in the day, take say, Elizabethan England, Jane Austen and all that (and most definitely in the years before that).... before there was internet, or phones, or even houses near to each other... before there were airplanes or cars or dependable roads.... well, if you were bored, if you were just sick to death of reading the same 3 books and quilting the same old quilt and looking at and being around the same (possibly unbearable) people you lived with... well, at that point the only thing you could do was get up and physically go visit somebody. And even then, probably a lot of those people lived far away so first you'd have to arrange the visit by like mailing a letter that would take a month to get there and a month for it to come back. In the end, I imagine, because of all this, you'd get to visit someone or have visitors come to you about...what... (considering weather) maybe 7 times a year. So let's say for the sake of rounding that between these visitors, your family, your nearest neighbor, the doctor, and the shopkeeper, you know a total of about 50 people. And, what... maybe out of all of those you're lucky if even one of them you like at all? One of them that you can consider a friend? Think if that one person, maybe they live far away and so you only get to see them for about a week once a year. For you that's the only time you get to laugh and cry and be comforted by someone you actually connect with and enjoy. One week a year! How depressing is that? Ug. And here we are today, so spoiled, never lacking for entertainment, and never lacking for friends, real friends. Friends that we like, not just that we have to hang out with because we don't know anyone else. And if we don't like the friends we got, we can go out and make new ones! Just like that! That's just amazing is what that is. And I feel very lucky.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
What else?
Okay, I've got a couple more things to say. Actually, a lot, really, since it's been so long since I had a blog.
1. I just noticed that most bathrooms (not all, but most... count the ones in your memory, if you don't believe me) have it so if you're sitting on the toilet, the sink is on your right. Right? Told ya. Why? Discuss.
2. Certain things make me cry, for no specific reason that I can think of. One: church (and I'm--don't tell my mom--pretty much an atheist). Two: plays and works of theater. (Something to do with people living their dreams maybe? Dunno). Three: West African dancing. And sometimes, Four: people being nice to each other.
3. A few months ago I finally figured out my taste in music (using my patented method of youtube and wikipedia) and I'm somehow so proud of myself I want to tell everyone about it. The Church! New Order! The Killers! Metro Station! Post punk! Emo! Trance! New Wave British synth pop! But why is this so exciting to me? It's weird. Kinda reminds me of in the end of Runaway Bride (I know, girl movie, bleh)... but you know how at the end, she tries all the kinds of eggs, and then she goes to see Richard Gere (I know, again, bleh.... BLEH) and she's like, "Eggs Benedict. I... LOVE... eggs benedict. Turns out I hate all other kinds of eggs! But I like eggs benedict." Kind of like that. It actually takes effort to decide what you actually like and what was just other people telling you what you like. (Which I could use as a segway into other things but I won't.)
4. This has happened to me like... 5 times? Mmmm... probably more than that. Every so often as I'm drifting off to sleep, I'll start to dream about something, some situation that's so silly, so absurd, so funny, that I'll giggle to myself as I'm drifting off. I wake up to myself laughing. It's my favorite.
5. Also, my next favorite kind of dream is when I'm walking upwards, exploring somethimg, with the warm sun overhead and cold, crunchy snow underneath.
6. I am cold right now. A little bit hungry, actually, but I should go to bed 'cause it's 4:41 am.
7. You all are reading my blog!!! Yayyyyyyy look at me! Blogging is funny. It makes you feel all famous or something.
8. Also, and I'll tell you all this 'cause you know me.... it has now been, so far, in my life, 5 billion things I have been excited about, and 1-2-3-, count 'em, 3 human beings. But yay! 3 human beings! Actually more than that, obviously, with friends that I adore and think are the coolest and stuff. But you know, physical attraction. 3 times! That's exciting for me, although it does put me in a gray area of asexuality. (Oh, do you not know about that? Most of you do. That's how I roll. Here's some stuff. ...God love the internet.)
9. I'm thirsty. Mmm, water.
10. Today is January 1, 2009. Or, in the history of the Earth, 4,540,002,009 years and 1 day. Good to know where we stand, isn't it?
Have a happy new year, everyone.
1. I just noticed that most bathrooms (not all, but most... count the ones in your memory, if you don't believe me) have it so if you're sitting on the toilet, the sink is on your right. Right? Told ya. Why? Discuss.
2. Certain things make me cry, for no specific reason that I can think of. One: church (and I'm--don't tell my mom--pretty much an atheist). Two: plays and works of theater. (Something to do with people living their dreams maybe? Dunno). Three: West African dancing. And sometimes, Four: people being nice to each other.
3. A few months ago I finally figured out my taste in music (using my patented method of youtube and wikipedia) and I'm somehow so proud of myself I want to tell everyone about it. The Church! New Order! The Killers! Metro Station! Post punk! Emo! Trance! New Wave British synth pop! But why is this so exciting to me? It's weird. Kinda reminds me of in the end of Runaway Bride (I know, girl movie, bleh)... but you know how at the end, she tries all the kinds of eggs, and then she goes to see Richard Gere (I know, again, bleh.... BLEH) and she's like, "Eggs Benedict. I... LOVE... eggs benedict. Turns out I hate all other kinds of eggs! But I like eggs benedict." Kind of like that. It actually takes effort to decide what you actually like and what was just other people telling you what you like. (Which I could use as a segway into other things but I won't.)
4. This has happened to me like... 5 times? Mmmm... probably more than that. Every so often as I'm drifting off to sleep, I'll start to dream about something, some situation that's so silly, so absurd, so funny, that I'll giggle to myself as I'm drifting off. I wake up to myself laughing. It's my favorite.
5. Also, my next favorite kind of dream is when I'm walking upwards, exploring somethimg, with the warm sun overhead and cold, crunchy snow underneath.
6. I am cold right now. A little bit hungry, actually, but I should go to bed 'cause it's 4:41 am.
7. You all are reading my blog!!! Yayyyyyyy look at me! Blogging is funny. It makes you feel all famous or something.
8. Also, and I'll tell you all this 'cause you know me.... it has now been, so far, in my life, 5 billion things I have been excited about, and 1-2-3-, count 'em, 3 human beings. But yay! 3 human beings! Actually more than that, obviously, with friends that I adore and think are the coolest and stuff. But you know, physical attraction. 3 times! That's exciting for me, although it does put me in a gray area of asexuality. (Oh, do you not know about that? Most of you do. That's how I roll. Here's some stuff. ...God love the internet.)
9. I'm thirsty. Mmm, water.
10. Today is January 1, 2009. Or, in the history of the Earth, 4,540,002,009 years and 1 day. Good to know where we stand, isn't it?
Have a happy new year, everyone.
Footer
Okay so I just added Nelson Mandela quotes to the bottom of my blog. Is that weird? I don't even know what they say. I wanted to add a footer but blogger wouldn't let me. So Nelson Mandela it is. He's pretty wise though. Let's see what he's got to say.
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